Sunday morning on August 15, first I became ready to go to my English class and then to be present to my university class. My English class started at 6:00 in the morning while the door of the girls’ dormitory was opening later. The girls in the English class and I had to wait ten to fifteen minutes every day for the dormitory gate to open.
Every day, I was fastly going to the English language center. Being always late had become my habit. The teacher sometimes became upset, and I had no choice but to tolerate the teacher’s anger. The problem was that I was missing the important lessons every day. I was anxious for a while. The day I drove, I was in class early. This was a surprise to the teacher, too, and he asked, “How did you get on-time today?” In response to the teacher, I said that I had come by car today. Every day, however, I couldn’t afford to pay the fare of the car.
I had to be present for my university lessons after the English class in the morning at 6:00. Sunday morning on August 15, my mood was not like the previous days. I felt bad and unmotivated. I told myself perhaps it is because I did not have my breakfast. I entered a supermarket and asked for a biscuit and a juice. The salesperson put the biscuit and juice in a plastic bag and asked for money. Unfortunately, I had forgotten my wallet. The shopkeeper acted very seriously and said: “If you don’t have money, why do you disturb people?” I apologized and got out of the store.
When I arrived at the university, all my classmates had fear and were anxious. Many girls had put on long dresses, and boys had worn traditional clothes. My fears multiplied and I hurried to my faculty. After greeting my friends, I asked them why the campus is not the same as it used to be. My friends said that because the Taliban are entering Kabul today. It was hard to believe. I entered my class and sat in a corner and started reading a book. My reading was strange that day to all my classmates which most of them were laughing. Most of them asked, “Why are you studying? The Taliban are entering Kabul.” My anxiety multiplied. I was upset with my friends for interrupting my study and saying negative things. I was a motivated girl. As I looked at my goals, I was forced to study and try harder.
The first hour of university ended. Most of my classmates took their books and left the class. I asked one of them, “Why are you going home? He replied. “I got a call to get home immediately.” My friend and I waited for the second lesson to begin. Moments later, we had to leave the classroom. My friend and I had to go to the girls’ dormitory because all our belongings (books and clothes) were inside the dormitory. As soon as I entered the dormitory, all the girls were disappointed, confused, and anxious. Some were moving their belongings, some were crying, and some were silent; maybe they did not know what to say or do.
I hurried to my room. All my roommates had packed up and were trying to rent a car to transport it. I asked, “Why did you pack your things? One of them smiled bitterly and said, “Do you still want to study?”
In the days before the fall of Kabul, the girls occasionally talked about the poor security situation. Some were unmotivated and said that the Taliban were coming and that studying was useless. My response to friends who thought this was that the Taliban could not take the right to education from us.
I hurriedly collected my clothes and books. The books were heavy. I looked around and realized that no one wanted to help and that everyone was thinking of escaping. Then, I moved some of my belongings out of the dormitory, and outside the dormitory, vehicles were difficult to find. Kabul had become a city of terror. Everyone was thinking of escaping and reaching a safe place. We were stuck in traffic jams for two hours. I was in shock. I thought to my dreams that they might remain unattainable.
I did not leave the house for a whole month after the fall of Kabul. In the month since, various reports have been published about the killings of former government employees, civil society, and women’s rights activists. During this time, I have always thought about my dreams; dreams that are bigger than obstacles and problems. I wanted to be the Minister of Women’s Affairs in the future and work as an independent person. I wanted to be a good representative for women, and I still think so. These dreams are still alive. Getting women out of the house is hopeful for me. I am thinking of returning to society.
[box type=”info” align=”alignleft” class=”” width=””]Nazdana Sultannafar, Hasht-e Subh Persian[/box]