My only goal during school was to be able to pursue higher education and one day become a university professor. I always imagined a teacher who treats his students well, is friendly with them and understands their problems. Perhaps these thoughts came from the primitive education system in which I studied.
After completing my undergraduate studies at Al-Beruni University in Parwan, Afghanistan I began working as a journalist in Kabul. At the same time, one of my main concerns was to be able to continue my studies at higher levels. After three years of working with the media, I was included in an Iranian scholarship. It is a boring story that with hardships I spend two academic years here in Iran. It is difficult to have both school and university stress and financial worries at the same time. According to English author William Somerset Maugham, “There is nothing more distressing than worrying about being financially incompetent – Money is like the sixth sense, if there is no money, the other five senses will not work properly.”
About a month ago, when I completed my thesis, I was always thinking about whether or not to defend my thesis. Eventually, at the height of my frustration, I decided to defend my dissertation. According to a wise man, the hopefuls are waiting for the end of the story, but the desperate ones are just finishing the story. Now that a month has passed since my graduation, I have fallen into a corner of the dormitory. My day-to-day hobby is using social media and sometimes talking to family these days.
Before the fall of the government, every time I talked to my father on my mobile phone, the first question he asked in an anxious tone was, “When will you finish your studies and come back?” After the fall of the government, however, both my father’s question and his tone changed. I know how worried he is about me and how much he wants to hug me again after a while. But seeing the unsettled situation in the country, he asks in despair: “What do you decide to do, are you coming? The situation is not good here either.”
Now, after being in Tehran for two years, although I miss my family and homeland, I am uncertain and do not know what to do. Should I return home or stay here? If I return, with what hope, and if I stay, for what?
I know that life should not be seen as absolute darkness. But it seems that only the darkness of life has been given to some. I know these days are passing. I know good days will come back and of course, bad days, too, come again and this cycle repeats itself. But our lives do not go back to this young age. When I studied for 18 years with all my enthusiasms, the result should not be to be fleeing my home to foreign countries.
I saw how my dreams and those of my peers were shattered. It is hard for your dreams to burn like a log in a fire and you can’t do anything. Now, with all this, we are struggling under the terrible blows of time. We are the ones who curse the times, and we do not fall to the ground. We are the ones who do not give in. We are the ones who have seen all the evils in this world. We will laugh again one day.
[box type=”info” align=”alignleft” class=”” width=””]Khairuddin Rahmani’s Story, Hasht-e Subh Persian[/box]
