Today I decided to write about my experience of menstruation for the first time, without shame, fear, or stigma. In our society, menstruation is treated as a taboo. By sharing my own experience, I want to help challenge that idea and speak openly about a natural bodily process.
I first experienced menstruation when I was 11 years old. It was a beautiful spring morning with pleasant weather. I also felt a mild pain in my lower back, something unfamiliar to me. I had no prior knowledge or information about what was happening. No one had ever explained that menstruation exists or that girls go through it during puberty.
When I suddenly saw blood, I was shocked. I was scared and confused. My face turned red, my body started to shake, and I felt panic inside. I kept asking myself, “What is happening to me? What is this? Oh God, what is wrong with me?” I felt too ashamed to tell my mother, even though she was kind and understanding. I still could not overcome the feeling of embarrassment.
After I came out of the bathroom, I felt disoriented and anxious. I could hear my mother and sister calling me for breakfast, but I was not fully present. I ate breakfast while trying to act normal, even though I was very nervous. I had to go to my religious class at 9 a.m., but I could not find the words to explain anything.
I still remember clearly what I was wearing: a blue shirt, white trousers, and white socks. I was bleeding, but I did not know what to do to prevent my clothes from getting stained. I tried using a small piece of cloth to protect myself, but it fell out when I walked. I did not even know at the time that I needed to wear underwear to keep it in place.
As I left for class, my mind was full of questions. I went to meet a classmate who was one year older than me. I told her what had happened that morning. She said she did not know either, but suggested I ask my mother because mothers would understand. I felt embarrassed again and regretted bringing it up. I kept quiet and went to class.
We had a Quran lesson that lasted about an hour. During the class, I felt the bleeding was increasing and becoming uncontrollable. I waited until everyone left so I could leave last, hoping no one would notice what had happened.
Later, some classmates asked me to join them for group work in the courtyard. I went with them, but I kept noticing that my clothes were stained. My socks, trousers, and clothing were visibly affected, and I felt terrified. I kept thinking about what people would say if they saw me like this.
When my classmate called me to join them, I felt overwhelmed. Everything around me felt distant. I noticed how the white clothes made the situation more visible, now covered with red stains. I walked away without answering. I could not face anyone.
When I returned home, I secretly washed my clothes and wore them again after they dried. I just wanted the situation to end. I even went to the mosque and continued praying and reading the Quran while still in that condition, unaware of the related religious rules at the time.
At school, I would place pieces of paper under me so my chair would not get stained. Those days were very difficult for me. I felt as if I had a shameful illness. My first menstruation passed under these conditions, and it was one of the hardest experiences of my life because I had no prior information.
Three days later, I realized I could wear underwear, and that made things slightly easier. During that time, I often went to the mosque and touched the Quran, not knowing there were religious guidelines related to menstruation. The period lasted about a week, and each day I felt more stress and anxiety.
I began asking older girls about what was happening to me. One of them told me that only women experience this kind of bleeding. I felt even worse, as if I was the only one going through it.
Later, another girl explained to me that it is called menstruation and that every girl experiences it after reaching puberty. She also told me about basic hygiene and religious cleansing during this period. Hearing this felt like a heavy burden had been lifted from me. My fear disappeared, and I finally felt relief.
After that experience, I promised myself that I would not let my sisters or other girls around me go through the same confusion and fear. I began sharing information so others could be prepared and not feel anxious.
I believe that parents should educate their daughters in advance and not treat this subject as something shameful. Schools, religious centers, and educational institutions should also provide proper information, and seminars on this topic would be helpful.
By writing about my experience, I have broken a mental barrier that treated menstruation as something shameful. I want every girl to be able to do the same. In the end, I want to repeat that menstruation is not a taboo or a source of shame.
