Puberty is a natural and physiological process in the human body, but for girls, this stage is often accompanied by silence, shame, isolation, stigma, and social pain. During this period, girls are introduced to a range of overt and covert tools and mechanisms of control that society has already laid out for them. With the onset of puberty, society’s system of surveillance and control becomes active, precisely at a time when girls need to learn about themselves, their bodies, desires, and identities, and explore who they are. Instead, society overshadows this process with a cloud of shame and taboo. Most adolescent girls enter this stage with little knowledge of their bodies and without a full understanding of the physiological changes they are undergoing. What society communicates to them instills a sense of shame and fear, a culture of shame that deprives them of the opportunity to gain awareness.
In the matter of puberty, one aspect pertains to the physical and visible changes, but another equally significant dimension involves the internal psychological experience, the social experiences, and the feedback that society directs toward adolescent girls.
Adolescence and youth are generally when the first social experiences take place. An adolescent girl encounters expectations that were previously unfamiliar to her. The changes that occur in her body, especially the experience of her first menstruation, affect the rest of her life and activities. Society links puberty and menstruation in girls to predefined gender roles, raising the question: under what conditions is a girl’s presence and existence deemed acceptable and legitimate? At this stage, the girl becomes subject to public scrutiny and judgment. If she fails to meet societal expectations, she faces rejection, judgment, and stigmatization. A teenage girl who once played in the streets with her peers or went to school and roamed freely is now driven away from those spaces as her body develops and her physical features become more pronounced.
It is during this phase that girls are introduced to concepts such as “modesty,” “chastity,” and “virtue”—concepts that, within the structure of society, function as mechanisms of exclusion. Through these channels, women are subjugated and controlled, and their presence in public spaces is restricted. The result is the gradual isolation of women from the outside world. Many girls, following their first experience of menstruation, become the “modest” girls that society deems ideal. They are taught to cover their bodies in shame. The girl no longer laughs loudly, wears shorts or form-fitting clothes, or socializes with boys. She begins to observe new restrictions that vary depending on the social context.
As Simone de Beauvoir discusses in The Second Sex, the process of “becoming a woman” is, through the lens of biological, sociological, historical, and economic insight, described as a “comprehensive lesson in shame.” In this view, the female body is treated as a domain of shame. Historically, sexual maturity, menstruation, and the physical features of the female body have all been grounds for bodily shame. This lesson in shame is part of the process of becoming a woman in society—an expectation imposed on women. Consequently, adolescent girls are gradually taught how to walk, how to laugh, and how to relate to their bodies. Moreover, the prevailing social and gender power structures place women in a subordinate position and cause them to feel shame at the very first intimate experience of their bodies. One might even say that body-related shame is a shared cultural legacy among women—a body that men and women are taught to perceive differently. This power dynamic and hierarchy are even reflected in common language and insults.
Another significant issue surrounding girls’ puberty is the reduction of women to their physical bodies. As a woman’s body changes, her mode and manner of living are also transformed. She becomes the object of others’ gazes, is judged, and is subjected to newly imposed norms. If she defies these norms, she is punished in various ways. Meanwhile, the educational and parenting systems, which ought to serve as sources of guidance, protection, and awareness, transform into systems of control, fear-mongering, encouragement of secrecy, and shame. Neither at school nor at home does an open, informed, and sincere conversation about puberty and its changes take place.
But this cycle of shame must be broken. Even if we cannot do something grand, each of us should strive to make a change within our capacity and sphere. A path must be opened so that adolescent girls can experience this stage of life without shame, fear, anxiety, or social pain.
You can read the Persian version of this Afghan woman’s story here:
دوران بلوغ دختران؛ فرایند طبیعی یا عرصه فشار، شرم و کنترل اجتماعی؟
